That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
