So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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