i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
