i just wanna soil my oats bro
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
