Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize