Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
