i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My bed smells like the plague
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize