Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
