You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
