i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
