I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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