Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
