Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
