at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
