So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
