she woke up with a sticky ear
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
