I cannot find my penis.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
