was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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