im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
