How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
