you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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