38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
