My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
