This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
