she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
