The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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