All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
