Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
