I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Someone signed my nipple.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
