hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
