Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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