Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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