Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
