I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
