Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
