you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
