god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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