3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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