420 ftw
dude i'm inner monologue high
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just googled if crying burns calories
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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