I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
