Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
