I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
