I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
