so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
