i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
