someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
