I accidentally had phone sex last night
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
