So drunk its hurt
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
