1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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