Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
