I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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