Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
