It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
my liver is dry heaving
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
