Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
