i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That accounts for only three of the penises
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm always down for nudity.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
