At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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