Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
