He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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