he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
