we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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