I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I take back everything I said about communal showers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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