dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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