I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
