Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
