were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
3pm strippers are depressing
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize