I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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