You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
