The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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