my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
