I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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