its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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