I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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