ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
