Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
