and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize