U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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