Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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