on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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