I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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