Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
