sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
