So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
