Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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