you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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