Im at strip club and am horny
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
