i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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