I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
