Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
