weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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