Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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