i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
