In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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