u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
